Guest writer Peter Minkoff gives straight men some sex tips as a gay man.
Straight men might think that a gay man can’t teach them anything about having sex with a woman. However, often, the anatomy has nothing to do with sex — it’s the confidence, effort and communication that counts, and gay dudes excel in that. Plus, women are very open with their gay friends and they often discuss sex and what it’s like for them. So, straight men, take note and learn a few sex tips from gay guys.
Surely you have good negotiation skills, but all of us can improve our skills when it comes to negotiating sex. Why? Well, it will ensure both parties get the sex they want. Gays have always negotiated who’s going to be a “top” and who’s going to be a “bottom”. Some gay guys are “vers” and happy to do both, but even then, you need to have a conversation surrounding sex tips. Don’t think that just because your partner has a vagina and you have a penis, it’s all predetermined. You can also consider discussing open relationships, but it all needs to be mutual and consensual.
Many straight guys think that their private preferences are obvious when they often aren’t. Make sure you’re confident enough to approach your partner about what you like in bed and what you want them to do — the worst thing that can happen is for them to say no. Since gay men often spend a lot of time on apps, they have learned to be direct. Most gay dating apps have dropdown menus and checkboxes with all sorts of kinks. While making such a list for yourself and your partner might seem clinical and limiting, it will certainly get you and your partner what you both want.
Use of sex toys
The fact that you use sex toys doesn’t make you gay. Men love them, women love them, everyone loves them. Gay guys use them quite often alone or with their partners and they can make sex much more pleasurable, fun and fresh. Check out some interesting sex toys online and choose something that sparks your interest. You can even go browsing for a toy or accessory together—it’s a fun couple’s activity. Your girlfriend or wife will definitely be pleasantly surprised by your willingness to experiment and it will show her you care about her pleasure. And if your mates start messing with you for using sex toys, remind them just how boring their sex life is.
Butt stuff is fun
You don’t have to be gay to enjoy butt stuff. The anus is a very universal thing—everyone has it—so you can explore it with your partner and discover a (w)hole new world of pleasure. Gays might have an upper hand here, but straight men can easily catch up. You can discuss this part of sex with your partner, try out different techniques on you and choose fun anal sex toys. This part of sex play can be fun for both parties since it gives her a sense of domination that she might not have experienced before. And most women adore men who are adventurous and sure in their sexuality.
Oral is important
Most straight guys need to work on their oral sex skills — they are not universal. Usually, gay men put extra effort into this area because they want to show off their skills and because they know they will hopefully be reciprocated with a blowjob. Ask your lady what she likes and don’t take oral for granted and just go through the motions.
Ask to watch her
Gay men often opt for virtual or phone sex since they are not always in a position to hang out with their partner or they choose to take things slowly with meeting people they meet over dating apps. Thanks to that fact, gay men get to watch their partners pleasure themselves. While this act is really sexy and arousing, it’s also a great learning opportunity. It’s a great way to learn what your girlfriend likes because she’s showing you where to touch her, how to grab and when to go faster or slower. It’s a very intimate and personal act that can also bring you closer emotionally, so make sure to ask whether you can watch her play with herself sometimes.
Be careful with dirty talk
Often, people use dirty talk to turn their partner on. But that can also be confusing if you just say things that you know your partner likes to hear. If your lady says something dirty to you, you need to ask yourself whether she actually likes X or whether she’s just saying it to get you worked up. Clear out the air on what’s ‘dirty talk’ and what’s ‘reality’ to avoid mishaps—good communication skills many gay men have can help with that, so copy those behaviours.
If you are, like gay men do every day, ready to push against the boundaries mainstream society put up, you can expect a multitude of fun adventures in the bed. Plus, your woman will be super grateful you came across this little guide and she will show it every day.
Follow Peter on Twitter (@MinkoffPeter)